I don't remember how long I was in the bathroom wiping tears. It was long enough for me to stress about how uncomfortable I was with all eyes on me. I was now the topic of people's conversations. Sex was everyone's concern. I wanted it to remain in the bubble that Tommy and I had created together. I have never felt any pressure from him to take it to that level. We just had our first kiss last night.
I look one last look at my reflection in the mirror and saw that my eyes were slightly puffy, but I could return to the gathering. As soon as I walked out Tommy was standing against the wall. He was drinking a Coors Light.
"Are you okay? I left because you were getting emotional. I didn't know how to handle you crying. This is new to me." He grins and pulls me into his nook.
His buddy Derek walked up to us and Tommy quickly released me. We weren't doing anything wrong and that release was one out of shame or embarrassment. Derek is looking back and forth at each of us. Before he can say a smart ass remark, I push past him to leave the situation. Last thing I hear is Derek ask Tommy what the hell he was doing with me. I don't stick around long enough to hear a response. I don't want to be hurt, no matter what Tommy says, because the knee jerk reaction to release the embrace said it all.
I finish my beer and walk outside to sit on the patio where there is a large gathering of people. I grab another beer and finish half of it before it is pulled from my hand. I am thinking it is Tommy but it was Jacob.
"Where's your buddy?" I already have tears in my eyes. I look away and he decides to sit next to me on the glider.
"Can I please have my drink back?" He hands it back to me. We sit and drink in silence gliding back and forth. He probably knew if he forced the topic too soon, I would be crying and making a scene. For the first time I appreciate him reading my body language.
"Jacob, he is ashamed of me." The gliding comes to a halt. I see his mouth move as if to speak but he pauses and thinks before he responds.
"He is young. So are you. We are all young here. But there is something very innocent and mature about you. A relationship with you comes with responsibility. I can't explain it. I know I flirt with you and I did touch you that night a few weeks ago. I am sorry for that. But you carry yourself differently than other girls. The responsibility probably scares him. It scares me. I saw Tommy practically push you away when ol' dip shit walked up. He is pressured to be a certain way. Honestly no one expects him to be with a brunette, Hispanic, church girl. You are different for him." I keep sipping my beer as I listen and take it all in and sink into his side head on his shoulder wanting to cry.
"Everyone keeps saying to be careful. I am being careful." He looks at and smiles.
"Veronica, they are talking about your heart. You are going to get hurt by him. He is going to hurt you, out of fear and pressure." I sit up a bit more and look at him.
"He told me he would protect me and he won't hurt me. Tommy promised."
"Veronica, he already has hurt you and you are already forgetting it was just five minutes ago."
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