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I Never Had A Choice Part: 22

Several days had past and we didn't see one another. We talked everyday for hours on the phone. He would go out with his buddies and go to the bars and do everything Tommy. I was home during Christmas break just at home. I did enjoy going out with him and my friends but it was frowned upon by my family.

Our conversations were often about how we spent our days. He would fill me in on what was happening at the bar or anything funny that was worth mentioning. Many nights we would Segway into how much we missed each other's presence. The longing to be close to one another was very evident, but as friends. I didn't want to think anything beyond the friendship. He didn't ask me to go out with him and his friends, so I am assuming being more was not on the table. I didn't want to assume anything, especially since he pushed me away in front of his friend. The last time we saw each other was when he dropped me off at Amy's and he didn't get out of the truck. He stayed on his side of the truck and basically said 'bye.'

Tonight Tommy was a bit excited to talk to me. It felt nice to be sought out. He started to tell me some of his friends who are living in a house near campus are going back home for the holidays. They asked him to housesit in their absence. I had a feeling I knew where the conversation was going.

"Ronnie, do you want to go over to the house with me on Friday?" I knew it. I did want to see him, but I didn't want to seem eager.

"Sure, are there pets or plants that need to be handled?" He laughs out loud.

"No. I thought maybe you would want to tag along and we spend time together." I did want to spend time together but I was thinking of something else like a movie or fishing or anything fun.

"Yes, that sounds good. I will bring a movie. I assume they have a VCR? I can bring over the movie Friday." He was quiet for a bit.

"Oh yah, that movie. Bring it." He is very disinterested in the flick and probably more interested in the fuck. Yup, I am thinking it loudly in my mind. I can't deny the idea is running through my head.

I trust him. He would make it memorable and unforgettable. I can't help but be very aware this is mostly about sex and nothing about spending time with me. We are moving from friends territory to a different level and it includes intimacy. We have said we enjoy each others company and we like one another.

I have saved myself. Promising to do this with someone special. Someone who cares about me. I don't necessarily need to end up with this person, but I want them to be my boyfriend or steady. He obviously desires me and wants to be with him. I can feel it when we are together, and I can hear it when we speak to each other. I know I am someone he likes and it is way too soon to start feeling real feelings, right? He knows I am a virgin. He knows I am innocent. All signs point to "Do Not Do It", but he is the boy of my dreams.

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